Yesterday was that sort of day. The weather was warm, but not too warm. Kaly was at the lake with a few friends.

Leslie and I were home alone, left to our own devices (cue the porn music) which included: waking up late, eating healthy cereal, working in the yard and of course washing the dogs. All of which is strong evidence that we’re lapsing getting sucked into middle age.

Washing the dogs is (of course) MY JOB. I’m not quite sure why or how I got chosen for this “bonding” experience.

So I’m in the shower (yes the shower) with Holy. I’ve lathered her up and I’m holding onto her, upside down, as I’m trying to rinse her off.

A bit of backstory…
Holy, (also known as: Holestein, Hubba, Ho!, Bodeenah, Hubb-D and Butch) is a loyal yet stupid dog. She’s sweet in a sort of mentally deficient way.

She is the bastard offspring of a previous pet of ours for whom we didn’t think it necessary to have spayed, and some ratty-assed, chow-mix stray hound who immediately after shooting his wad saw me and then saw Jesus. Eh, I was too late.

A few months later we had a herd of puppies, all brown and white and cuddly except for the odd, black and white retard– Holestein.

Of course Kaly bonded with yon Hubbuh (also known as HeeBuh, HoBeast, Hubbahubbah and Veronica).

If it were not for Kaly pitching an all out hissie-fit way back when when it came to ridding ourselves of that hunk of protein, I’d have one less dog to bathe, one less mouth to feed.

but anyway…

Yeah so I’m in the shower trying to hold onto the The Hub de Duh. She’s lathered up, slick as snot, and I’m holding her on her back while trying to direct the water spray onto her belly/underside in order to rinse the 14 ounces of Mint smelling Head and Shoulders oversquirt off the beast.

Soon as a drop of water got remotely close to her nose she freaked as if she had just snorted a line of fiery death.

I’m trying to hang on for dear life as her arms are flailing, her paws spinning and her sharp black, gothic, stilleto-like claws start whirring around.


At some [painful] point during all this her back claw manages to snag my right nipple.

I thought she’d ripped it clean off, but instead I think she just sprained it. Either way it hurt like hell.

Still does.

I’m writing this to try and help explain myself to Les and Kaly. They saw me rubbing my nipple tonight, and… well… it just didn’t look right.

I swear it was the dog!